In the world of psychology, narcissism is a fascinating but complex trait. Some people with narcissistic tendencies can appear as commanding and dominant as a silverback gorilla leading its troop. Their behaviors can be both subtle and overt, making it challenging to pinpoint at first glance. Understanding these behaviors can help you navigate interactions with people who may have narcissistic traits. Let’s explore 15 ways narcissists might assert their dominance, similar to how a silverback gorilla rules its environment.
1. Commanding Attention
Narcissists thrive on being the center of attention. Just like a silverback stands tall to ensure its troop knows who’s in charge, a narcissist often uses charm or drama to draw all eyes toward them. They might dominate conversations, often interrupting others to steer the topic back to themselves. This need for attention can make them appear charismatic but can also wear thin over time. According to Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School, narcissists’ craving for attention is a psychological need for validation and self-esteem.
Being in the spotlight is not just a preference for them; it’s a necessity. They might resort to storytelling, exaggerating achievements, or even creating conflicts to maintain the focus on them. The spotlight provides them with a sense of superiority and control, reinforcing their belief that they’re special or unique. This behavior can be exhausting for those around them, as it often leads to an imbalance in social interactions. Over time, people may start to distance themselves from the narcissist, feeling overshadowed and unheard.
2. Asserting Control
The need to control is another hallmark of narcissistic behavior. Much like a silverback gorilla patrols its territory to ensure dominance, a narcissist seeks control over their environment and the people in it. This can manifest in micromanaging or a need to have the final say in decisions, whether personal or professional. They might manipulate situations to ensure outcomes are in their favor, often disregarding others’ needs or opinions. This behavior can create a toxic environment, where others feel stifled and undervalued.
The desire for control extends beyond just overt actions. Narcissists are also known for their ability to subtly influence others, making people feel obligated to align with their wishes. This can lead to a form of psychological manipulation, where people around them start to question their own thoughts or decisions. Such control can foster a sense of helplessness in others, as their autonomy is gradually eroded. Over time, this dynamic can breed resentment and mistrust, further isolating the narcissist from meaningful relationships.
3. Using Intimidation
Intimidation is a tool often wielded by narcissists to assert their dominance. Similar to how a silverback might display aggression to keep its troop in line, narcissists may use intimidation tactics to maintain control. This doesn’t always mean overt aggression; it can be a subtle undercurrent in their interactions. Intimidation can manifest through verbal threats, passive-aggressive comments, or even non-verbal cues like body language. According to research by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, narcissists often use intimidation to exploit the vulnerabilities of others, ensuring their own position remains unchallenged.
The impact of such behavior can be profound, leaving people feeling anxious or fearful in the narcissist’s presence. It can stifle open communication, as people may hesitate to express their thoughts or concerns. Over time, this can lead to a toxic environment where people are constantly walking on eggshells. Such an atmosphere not only affects individual well-being but can also hinder productivity and creativity in group settings. Ultimately, intimidation serves to reinforce the narcissist’s sense of power, at the expense of others’ confidence and comfort.
4. Seeking Admiration
Admiration is like fuel for narcissists, giving them the energy and validation they crave. Just as a silverback might bask in the deference of its troop, a narcissist seeks constant praise and recognition from those around them. This craving for admiration can lead them to actively seek out compliments or put themselves in positions where they are likely to be praised. They might go out of their way to showcase their successes, often exaggerating their achievements to elicit a more significant response. This need can make them seem self-absorbed, as the focus always shifts back to their accomplishments.
It’s not just about seeking admiration; it’s also about maintaining an image. Narcissists are often preoccupied with how they are perceived, meticulously curating their public persona. This can lead to an obsession with appearances, whether through physical looks, social status, or professional achievements. They might even belittle others to elevate themselves in comparison, ensuring they remain the pinnacle of success in any group. Over time, this incessant need for admiration can become tiresome for those around them, who may feel their own achievements pale in comparison.
5. Dismissing Criticism
Criticism can be like a thorn in the side of a narcissist, something they are quick to dismiss or deflect. Similar to a silverback who might ignore a challenge from a smaller member of its troop, a narcissist tends to minimize or reject feedback that doesn’t align with their self-image. They might respond to criticism with hostility or defensiveness, turning the tables to make the critic seem unreasonable. This behavior is often rooted in their fragile self-esteem, which is easily threatened by perceived attacks. According to Dr. W. Keith Campbell, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia, narcissists often lack the emotional skills to deal with criticism constructively.
Ignoring criticism allows narcissists to maintain their inflated self-image, but it also limits their growth. By not acknowledging valid points, they miss opportunities for self-improvement and reflection. This can lead to repeated mistakes and strained relationships, as others may feel their feedback is neither valued nor considered. Moreover, this dismissive attitude can make it difficult for them to engage in meaningful dialogue, as they are often unwilling to entertain perspectives other than their own. In the long run, this behavior can isolate them from constructive criticism that might benefit them.
6. Playing The Victim
Playing the victim is a strategy narcissists sometimes employ to manipulate perceptions and gain sympathy. Much like a silverback might feign weakness to lull a rival into a false sense of security, a narcissist might cast themselves as the wronged party to elicit compassion or support. By presenting themselves as the victim, they can manipulate the narrative, deflecting blame from themselves and onto others. This tactic can be particularly effective in gaining the trust or allegiance of those who are unaware of the narcissist’s true nature. The result is a skewed version of events that positions the narcissist as both vulnerable and blameless.
This victim mentality can be exhausting for those around the narcissist, who may feel manipulated or deceived. Over time, people may notice inconsistencies in the narcissist’s stories, leading to doubt and skepticism. However, for those still under the narcissist’s spell, this tactic can effectively garner support and reinforce the narcissist’s dominance. It creates an environment where others feel compelled to cater to the narcissist’s needs, often at the expense of their own. This cycle of victimhood serves to maintain the narcissist’s control, as they remain the focal point of concern and attention.
7. Exploiting Others
Exploitation is a common trait among narcissists, who often use others to achieve their own ends. Much like a silverback gorilla might use its strength to bend others to its will, a narcissist leverages relationships to serve personal interests. This can involve manipulating people into providing resources, support, or validation without reciprocity. Exploitation can be subtle, often wrapped in charm or disguised as a mutual benefit. As Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, notes, narcissists tend to lack empathy, making it easier for them to use others without guilt.
For those on the receiving end, this exploitation can feel like being caught in a web, where their efforts are continually siphoned without acknowledgment or reward. Over time, people may start to recognize the one-sided nature of the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment or betrayal. Despite initial charm, the narcissist’s self-centered priorities often become evident, eroding trust and goodwill. This behavior ultimately undermines the foundation of healthy relationships, leaving the narcissist isolated and others wary of engaging further. Recognizing this pattern early can help people protect themselves from being used.
8. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic often employed by narcissists to maintain control and dominance. Much like how a silverback might use confusion to keep its troop in check, a narcissist uses gaslighting to make others doubt their perceptions and reality. This involves denying events, twisting facts, or undermining someone’s confidence to create confusion and self-doubt. The goal is to destabilize others, making them more reliant on the narcissist for “clarity” and validation. Over time, this can erode a person’s self-esteem and sense of truth, leaving them vulnerable and dependent.
The impact of gaslighting can be profound, leading to a cycle of confusion and doubt. People may start to question their memory and judgment, feeling insecure in their own decisions. This manipulation effectively shifts the power balance, placing the narcissist in a position of authority and control. While gaslighting can initially be subtle, its long-term effects are damaging, often resulting in emotional distress and psychological harm. Recognizing the signs of gaslighting early can help people protect their sense of reality and autonomy, ensuring they remain grounded despite the narcissist’s attempts at control.
9. Withholding Affection
Withholding affection is another tactic narcissists use to establish dominance and manipulate those around them. Similar to how a silverback might withdraw from its troop to assert independence, a narcissist might use emotional withdrawal as a tool of control. This behavior can manifest as giving the silent treatment, showing indifference, or withholding praise and affection. By doing so, the narcissist creates an environment of uncertainty, keeping others on edge and eager to regain favor. The unpredictability of their affection can lead to a cycle of hope and disappointment for those who seek their approval.
The psychological impact of withheld affection can be significant, leading people to question their worth and actions. This tactic creates a dependency, where people feel compelled to win back the narcissist’s favor through compliance or sacrifice. Over time, this dynamic can erode self-esteem and create an unhealthy reliance on the narcissist’s approval. The cycle of withholding and granting affection reinforces the narcissist’s control, as people become more focused on pleasing them. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for breaking free from its grip and fostering healthier, more balanced relationships.
10. Blame Shifting
Blame shifting is a common defense mechanism for narcissists, allowing them to avoid responsibility for their actions. Just as a silverback might deflect aggression onto other members of its troop, a narcissist shifts blame onto others to protect their self-image. This behavior often involves denying personal faults and emphasizing the shortcomings of others. By redirecting blame, narcissists preserve their sense of infallibility and maintain the illusion of superiority. This tactic can create confusion and conflict, as others are unfairly burdened with guilt and blame.
The consequences of blame shifting can be damaging, leading to strained relationships and a breakdown of trust. Those who consistently bear the brunt of blame may begin to internalize criticism, affecting their self-esteem and confidence. Over time, this dynamic fosters an environment of mistrust and resentment, as people feel unjustly targeted and misunderstood. The narcissist’s refusal to accept responsibility hinders any potential for growth or resolution, keeping conflicts unresolved. Recognizing blame shifting is essential for maintaining clarity and accountability in interactions with narcissists.
11. Creating Competition
Narcissists often create competition among those around them to reinforce their dominance and status. Like a silverback establishing hierarchy within its troop, a narcissist instigates rivalries to keep people vying for their attention and approval. This behavior can manifest in various ways, such as pitting friends or colleagues against each other, fostering an environment of comparison and jealousy. By creating competition, the narcissist ensures that everyone remains focused on them, striving to earn their favor or outdo others. This dynamic can be both divisive and exhausting, as people feel compelled to prove their worth.
The competitive atmosphere can erode trust and camaraderie, as people become more concerned with outperforming each other rather than collaborating. Over time, the rivalry fostered by the narcissist can lead to resentment and bitterness, fracturing relationships and undermining teamwork. While the narcissist may thrive in such a charged environment, the long-term effects are often detrimental to those involved. Recognizing the artificial competition created by the narcissist can help people resist the urge to engage and maintain a sense of unity and cooperation. By refusing to participate in their game, people can protect their relationships and personal well-being.
12. Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Narcissists often set unrealistic expectations for those around them, mirroring the demanding nature of a silverback who expects compliance from its troop. These expectations may involve demanding perfection, imposing unreasonable deadlines, or expecting unwavering loyalty and support. By setting such high standards, the narcissist ensures that people are continually striving to meet their approval. This behavior can be demoralizing, as people feel pressured to achieve the impossible, often at the expense of their own needs and well-being.
The pressure of unrealistic expectations can lead to burnout and decreased self-esteem, as people struggle to meet the narcissist’s demands. Over time, this dynamic can foster resentment and frustration, as people feel undervalued and overwhelmed. The narcissist’s refusal to acknowledge the difficulty of their expectations further compounds the problem, creating a cycle of unattainable goals and inevitable disappointment. Recognizing the pattern of unrealistic expectations can help people set boundaries and prioritize their own needs. By challenging the narcissist’s demands, people can protect their well-being and maintain a healthier balance in their relationships.
13. Disregarding Boundaries
Disregarding boundaries is a common behavior among narcissists, who often see limits as obstacles to their desires. Much like a silverback might ignore the boundaries of its territory to assert dominance, a narcissist often overlooks personal boundaries to achieve their goals. This can manifest in various ways, such as invading personal space, dismissing others’ needs, or pushing for inappropriate closeness. By disregarding boundaries, the narcissist reinforces their sense of control, ensuring that others accommodate their desires. This behavior can be both intrusive and unsettling, leaving people feeling exposed and disrespected.
The violation of boundaries can lead to a breakdown of trust and safety in relationships, as people feel their autonomy is compromised. Over time, this dynamic can create an environment of tension and unease, where people are constantly on guard. The narcissist’s inability to respect boundaries often stems from a lack of empathy, as they prioritize their needs above others. Recognizing boundary violations early can help people assert their limits and protect their personal space. By standing firm, people can maintain their autonomy and foster healthier, more respectful relationships.
14. Undermining Others
Narcissists often undermine others to reinforce their dominance and superiority, much like a silverback asserting its authority within the troop. This can involve belittling accomplishments, dismissing opinions, or subtly sabotaging efforts. By undermining others, the narcissist ensures they remain the most competent or valuable person in any situation. This behavior can be both overt and covert, often leaving people feeling devalued and demoralized. Over time, the constant undermining can erode confidence and stifle personal and professional growth.
The impact of being undermined can be profound, leading to a decrease in self-esteem and motivation. People may begin to doubt their abilities or hesitate to share ideas, fearing criticism or dismissal. This dynamic creates a hostile environment, where creativity and innovation are stifled under the weight of the narcissist’s dominance. Recognizing the pattern of undermining can help people reclaim their confidence and assert their value. By refusing to internalize the narcissist’s negative assessments, people can continue to grow and succeed despite attempts to diminish their worth.
15. Playing Favorites
Playing favorites is a tactic narcissists often use to manipulate and control their social environment. Similar to a silverback favoring certain members of its troop, a narcissist may shower select people with attention and praise while ignoring or belittling others. This behavior creates an atmosphere of uncertainty, as people strive to remain in the narcissist’s good graces. The favored individuals may enjoy temporary benefits, while those out of favor feel marginalized and resentful. Over time, this dynamic can create division and animosity within groups, as people are pitted against each other for the narcissist’s approval.
The divisive nature of favoritism can lead to a breakdown of trust and unity, as people feel compelled to compete for attention. Those who are consistently overlooked may begin to question their worth and contributions, leading to decreased morale and productivity. Meanwhile, the favored individuals may become complacent or overconfident, relying on the narcissist’s approval rather than their own merits. Recognizing the pattern of favoritism can help people maintain perspective and resist the urge to compete for validation. By focusing on their own strengths and achievements, people can foster a more inclusive and supportive environment.